How do you do it?

“…..You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don’t. To you a housewife is someone who sold her soul for a center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests. You’re the one who said I could do anything I wanted. This is what I want.” (Joan Brandwyn, Mona Lisa Smile)

Reflecting back on when my children were young, it was always interesting whenever I was introduced to fellow mothers, most of the time, I was presented as, “Margaret, the one I was telling you about, with SEVEN children.” Obviously, what followed was utter shock, surprise or the question- “How do you do it?” This question had to be the most frequently asked since I gave birth to my fourth. It was asked by many and not only mothers of one child but of two, three and even four children!

The question was generally accompanied with the standard gripe associated with motherhood. If you’re a mum (or dad) you’ve heard it all before and (I’m sure) echoed from your own mouths and mine too. It may go something like this, “Sometimes it feels as though four walls are closing in on me,” “I lack mental stimulation” “I need to work for mental break or time out” ” I loved my job which made my transition to motherhood difficult,” “I can never get anything done!” As I was also guilty of the occasional gripe, I feigned sympathy and agreed with, “yes it isn’t easy” nodding of the head, while cringing on the inside, because I wondered if I should even agree, after all I have SEVEN!? As for the FAQ, most of the time, my reply credited my faith, meaning, I usually thank God who strengthens me to do “it”.

I always found those moments rather awkward, because deep down, I saw no sense in complaining about a situation, which for centuries most, if not all, women found difficult, regardless of background, education or career. But mostly because I found it so cliche for a mother to whinge about motherhood- it’s almost expected. That’s not to say we can’t share our trials and tribulations with close friends or family, God knows I’ve done a lot of that and even some whinging and more. But to discredit motherhood as though it’s one uphill climb after another with no joy, is disingenuous.

Understandably, they asked me the above question simply because these days it is rare for anyone to choose to have SEVEN. Raising children is a difficult task, let’s not kid ourselves. Perhaps the question was literal and I was perceived as the “Yoda” for mothers who are seeking practical wisdom. Maybe it’s rhetorical, in which case they don’t really believe there’s a way but are insinuating I’m insane. Maybe it was a bit of both. I don’t know, all I know is, it was difficult for me as it was for them.

Having SEVEN children isn’t a banner proclaiming me the expert on the subject nor did it make me incompetent as a successful, functioning, aspiring human being, out in the “real” world. My husband and I couldn’t tell you exactly why we continued to procreate, it just worked out that way, call it faith-based, call it irresponsible, frankly I couldn’t care less.

Our children are a blessing but it was hard work for a long time. Incessant complaining does not make one superior to the role nor does it make one incompetent. It may just make one a whinger. So mothers, a word of advice from mum of SEVEN, accept your role seriously, enjoy it, it is valued in the eyes of God but will never be valued in the world.
My answer to the above question is still, “I thank God, He arms me with strength and wisdom for the job.”

https://youtube.com/shorts/jhhdx5b9nBE?si=C4igR7f-CzSRTneW